I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
