Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
