i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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