why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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