Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
