what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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