Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
