He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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