Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
