Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize