Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
