hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
