I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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