If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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