They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize