Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
