He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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