i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
