He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
