I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
