We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need water and some morals
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
