He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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