if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
