All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
