I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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