I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
