I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
