Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
