and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
40s are totally the cure
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
