Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
