sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
