you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
