Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
