JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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