I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
