Girls should come with a carfax report
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
