I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
