If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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