Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
