You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
