Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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