After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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