don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
