he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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