I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
