brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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