Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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