I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
