not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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