If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
