Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
