TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
