i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
