I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize