Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
