Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
