maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize