I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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