I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
