Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
