you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
