you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
