I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
