dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
