I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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