not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
