my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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