I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
