I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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