i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
