Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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