can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
