See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
