hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
