Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
